My new baby!!

Yes I got a big gift from my parents. ACER ASPIRE 4750G LAPTOP!!! Huhuhu. It's very thin and new.

Yeah mine is also blue. Hmm nothing to talk about it la. I haven't used it yet since I don't have wireless connection or broadband in my house. Has lots of thing to download. Yet I ALWAYS LOVE MY DESKTOP!!! I've been using it since I was 12. It's a part of my life. Lots of memories. It has seen I smiled and cried in front of it.

After buying the laptop, I went for movie, Engeyum Kaadhal with my bro. My parents went back home. The movie was storyless yet nice, awesome and lovely!! It was entirely taken in Paris. Hmm that is all la. I feel lazy to write and I'm still down. Byeee.

Disappointment much.

Yeah I'm disappointed much. A lot. JPA results came out on last Friday at 5pm. But I took an hour to open the website because the the line was so busy. The result was shocking. I'm offered to study in local. I have to do matriculation in Perak Matriculation College and later degree under JPA in any local Uni. Isn't this unfair ? I got 9a+ and this is all I got. There are students who got less a+ than me got to study in oversea and local Uni. Of course I can't compare myself with others. I couldn't sleep yesterday and was crying. Feel like my result worth nothing. Tried to convince myself atleast I got something than other students who didn't get anything at all. But my result deserves better ain't ? Anyways, congratulations to my best friend, Kir who got offer to study in IMU and then degree in oversea( i don't know where yet) and Prasanth who got to study in UTHO, Johor. I'll try to appeal but I have no hope of getting better offer. Just go with the flow la.

Happy Mother's Day Maaa!

Happy mother's day ammaaaa!!! I love you to bits. ♥

Yesterday was awesome and tiring. On Saturday night, we celebrated the eve at my aunt's house. We cut cake and had dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. Yesterday, we went to Wet World with my another aunt's family. Unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera along. Haizz.

Had fun with the kids. Then, we went to a restaurant to have mamak food. Reached home at 8.30pm. And straight away I went off to my bed. I was really tired. I didn't even go to Facebook. My bff, Kir was worried and she thought I was sick and texted me why I wasn't online. Hahaha. I saw it in the next morning only. Woke up at 6.00am itself.
I had few nightmares because of the JPA stuff. It's coming out today at 5pm !!! Although I know they're giving scholarships to 9a+, yet I'm scared. I'm worried where I'll be sent. I just hope Kir and I get the same place. Or any of my close friends. It'll be comforting.

I'm too lazy to give a name for this post,. :D

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I GET IPTA ?? Although I was not expecting for it, yet i didn't get. Did I do any mistakes when applying ? Hmmm. Whatever la. My only hope now is JPA. It's coming out on Monday. Let's wait and see.

With you, I want.

I SAW THIS ON MY TUMBLR DASHBOARD. SERIOUSLY, IT'S SO CUTEEEE!

to experience moments like this:

to take pictures together like these:

to spend time with each other at places like this:

to ride things like this, together:

to be your bestfriend and lover:

to grow old with you:

Hates having moods swings.

Argggghhh SHIIITTTTT!! JPA result is gonna be out on 6th May!! It's too lateee. We were expecting it to be out on last Friday or yesterday. One of my closest friend, Samuel went to Uniten today to do his foundation studies. Good luck to you dear ! I could only send message to you Facebook inbox. I didn't have credit to call you. :(
I stayed at my aunt's house for two days. Being with the kids was really good. And now, I feel bored. Super bored. It's May. And I've been feeling lifeless since January. Not doing a single job for almost 5 months!!! This could be my longest holidays ever in my life. I'm tired of taking rest. I wanna go study. I miss buying books and writing. My handwriting completely SUCKSSS now!
I feel alone and emo nowadays. I don't know why. Sometimes I cry without reasons. In fact, nothing is wrong with my life. Loving parents, awesome friends and a good future. Still yet I don't know what's wrong with myself. People think that I'm very busy and happy with my life when they see me online-ing for hours on Facebook. They should see the real 'ME' on my blog. I feel lifeless and thats why I'm on Facebook. I'm not even proud of being a Facebookaholic. I will always prefer to do a better work. Like shopping, watching movies and going out with friends.

Currently, we're having some misunderstandings among our friends. I meant girlfriends. It's really bothering me. Ok what so ever laa. Life has to go on right? OK bye chiao!

Happy Labour's Day!

Matriculation.

Matriculation Program results came out today. I checked it at 12.20am. :D Seriously, I was so desperate to know it. I got Kolej Matrikulasi Perak. Many of my friends also got. Kir and Prasanth got same college with me, Visha got Melaka and Tharani got Kuala Pilah. Visha and Tharani are so lucky for getting near one. Anyways congrats to them. However, I'm still waiting for JPA. Matriks is my second option. If I don't get JPA, I'll do Matriks. So hope I get JPA la. Good luck to me. :)

My 18th birthday bash !!!!

Heyyaaa!!! Sorry for not updating my blog. Haha k I know nobody reads it though. On last Sunday 24th April, I turned 18. Happy belated birthday to meee!

I did a small birthday party at my place. I invited all my friends and relatives. However, some of my friends couldn't make it. And they had reasons for not making it. It's okayy. They're forgiven. :D
Actually I wanted all to come because this would be our last year to be together. I wanted to celebrate my birthday with all of them. So it was disappointing a bit when some didn't come. After this all of us will go to different places to pursue their studies. So having a gathering like this will be once in a blue moon. Doesn't it sound sad? How nice it would be if all of us study at same place.

However, they cannot be replaced by my new friends. They're awesomeee and always there for me. Although we had misunderstandings, we're still together.

Before I start tearing, let's stop here. Papai!

P/S: Thanks for all the wishes and gifts again!! Appreciate them. ♥

Ok I never thought you would read this coz nobody reads my blog. I'll stop writing about u ok ? This will be the last post about you. Since you didn't reply me, I don't know if you're mad with me or what. Although you've have told me so many times, I'm still doing it. So I know it's entirely my fault. I'm really sorry.

My big day: JPA interview.

After procrastinating for four days, now I'm writing about my JPA interview which was on 12th April.

A night before: I was preparing on all the current and health issues. Intro as well. Although introducing ourself is easy, I was worried that I would stammer during the interview. :D Then, I went to my bed earlier than usual. At 12am.

On the day: I got up at 8am and got ready for the interview. After taking breakfast at a restaurant, we moved to USIM. Yes, the interview was held at USIM, Nilai. It was near and the place was familiar to my dad. I saw a Malay guy when we were parking our car. I smiled at him and asked him how the interview was. He said it was easy. I felt relieved a bit. After entering the entrance, there were so many parents and students. It was 10.20am. Checked my name on the list and I was the second in my panel ( panel 1). After getting kiss from my parents, I went upstairs. Parents were asked to wait downstairs.

It was a big library. Few girls were sitting there and I joined them. They were really good and friendly. I knew one of them. She came to the same tuition with me. They were also nervous like me. But after talking to them, I lost my nervousness. Then there was a lady came to our table and asked for our files. It was 11.05am. After giving our files to her and taking our tags, we went into our interview room.

We were five girls in our group. Two malay girls, two chinese girls and I was the only Indian. Our interviewers were 1 Malay woman, 1 Chinese man and 1 Malay man. After wishing them Selamat Pagi, we were asked to sit.

First we were asked to intro ourself. After I finished introducing myself, I was asked, "Why do you choose medicine?" I answered it's my and my parents dreams. I love helping people. It's a noble profession. And I said so many things la.

Then, the malay woman asked us, "Apakah langkah-langkah mengawal darah tinggi?" I raised my hand to answer but before me a malay girl did. After her turn, I answered about bersenam and melakukan pemeriksaan kesihatan. I crapped a bit. Haha.

After that, we were asked, "What does make you more qualified than other students for this scholarship?" I answered, my results say it out all first if all. And I also talked about how I worked hard for this and financial problem.

Then, they asked us, " What's my weakness and how u overcome it?" I said, my weakness is I'm very a dependent person and always depend on my parents. Then, I changed myself and bla bla bla la..

Then, they asked us, "What's my mistake I've done in my life?". I answered, I'm a very last minute worker, how it affects my trial exam and how I correct it.

Hmm then, they asked us again, "What would you do if you're not given this scholarship?" I really expected this question. Well, I answered that, I'll do form 6 or Matriks and try to get four flat and conitue my studies in local Uni. 4 of ur answered the same and only 1 girl said she'll do foundation in private college.

Again, they asked us, "Would you accept if you're offered to study in local?" I said, yes I would and I gave few reasons la.

I thought those were all but we had group discussion. I was like errr WTH!! It's not fair. My friends in other panels didn't have group discussion and why we had. Fortunately, we were asked a very easy question. It was "Sebagai doktor, berikan langkah-langkah mengawal sikap merokok dalam kalangan remaja." They asked us to discuss and give them an effective langkah. After discussing for few minutes, we found out that the most effective langkah is mengadakan ceramah. We had points to elaborate on it. So we chose it.

Then, they said the interview was ended. We said Terima Kasih, shook hand with the woman and went out of the room as fast as possible. We screamed you know. Hahaha. Seriously, it was so relieved and the first word came out from my mouth was 'a heavy burden is lifted off'. It was also my Facebook status.

And yeah that's all. I guess I did well in my interview. Hope everything goes well. Good luck to me. :D ♥

The worst night mare ever!

I was waken up by a dream. He introduced his new gf to me. I was like WTH!! And the dream seemed so real. Don't ask me who the girl was k. I didn't see her face. I cried in the dream itself. Gosshh. I hate this la. I'm still on the border between giving up or staying. You stop appearing in my dreams la please. You're coming into my dreams more often now. Almost everyday.

And yeah I went to school today with my friend to get signatures for my scholarships thingy. Then, I went to the tailor to get my baju kurung. It was awesomely sewed. Tomorrow, I have JPA interview at USIM at 11.05am. Now, I'm preparing myself for the introduction and group discussion. I went thru many students and ex-scholars' blogs. They wrote about their interview experience. It didn't sound scary for me. Yet I'm very nervous and I can feel butterflies and all the insects dancing in my stomach. So bye for now. :)

JPA

Oh yess! I'm chosen for JPA interview! Congrats to me. Hehe. Well, it's just an interview. I haven't been chosen for the scholarship though. My friends Kirthiga, Prasanth and Sharva are also selected. Some of my tuition mates from other schools are also selected. Congrats to them. Well my interview will be on 12th. All my other friends got different dates. And I'm the first going for the interview.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!

PLEASE I REALLY WANNA KNOW WHO THE 'GUEST' ON MY SHOUT BOX !! ARE YOU ONE OF MY FRIENDS, HIS FRIENDS, HIS COUSINS OR YOU ?? PLEASE TELL ME WHO YOU'RE!!!! I'M SURE YOU'RE MY CLOSEST PERSON. YOU KNOW ME. PLEASE ? INBOX ME OR ANYTHING.

Get well soon Mum! ♥

~With my mum at Penang. ~

Oh yess my mum is back from hospital. She's better now although she's still sick. Hope she will sleep peacefully tonight. She told me she hasn't had a good sleep since last Monday. The hospital atmosphere makes her sicker. And my parents are asking me to be a DOCTOR!! I know I can be one. I can do anything. But I'm not sure If I have passion for being one. When I was small, I wanted to be a doctor. After entering Form 1, I wanted to be an accountant because I love Mathematics. Then, in Form 4, I wanted to do biotech because I didn't like accounting but BIOLOGY. See I don't know what I want to do. After getting my results, my whole family is asking me to do medicine. So I came back to my first ambition. Being a doctor. The worse thing is being a doctor is very competitive. As I know almost all the straight A+'s students want to be a doctor. Only some them chose other fields like engineering. I'm totally blur.

Adding dilemmas to dilemmas that I've already had, my friend asked me a question. Well it's about love and my ex bf. She asked what I would do if I'm proposed by a guy after entering college. I told her I would think. But honestly, I wouldn't think nor love the new guy. As everyone knows I still love my ex. Crazy ain't ? Yes, I know I'll never get him back. I don't even have a small degree of hope. But something holds me. Something tells me that he's my soul mate. Hahaha. And I told to my another friend maybe he might have a very very little amount of love on me. Who knows. I added if I ever think so, I'm the stupidest girl in the world. And she said,"YOU ARE." Maybe he's in love with some one else. But I was his first love. I know his each and every character. But it's fine if he's with another person. I don't want him back though.

For now, I want my mum to get well. I wanna go shopping with her. I have lots of things to buy. Nothing is better than shopping with your mum.

Review of my days.

I know I'm not a good blogger at all. If I was, I would've updated my blog. :D

So, let's start with last Thursday. I had my jpj retest on the day. It was at 2pm. My friend Vino also had test with me and another friend, Prasanth had retest at 11am. Sad to say, I failed again!! It was like shit la. I failed both. During practice, I could do well. I didn't know what was wrong during the test. Prasanth passed both and Vino passed the first part but failed the road one. On the same day, there was a talk for SPM leavers at MIC building. Vino and I couldn't make it because we had jpj test but all my friends went. I was sad and my face was so pale. The test finished at 4 something. So, Vino wanted to go the talk but I didn't want. I didn't want to see my friends. I was worried they would laugh at me or what. But somehow, she convinced me and we went there with my dad. I think I knew almost everyone there. Most of them were my tuition mates. Then I joined my friends. Luckily none of them teased me. They were just convincing me. Thank god !! They said Prasanth told them I was really sad. Thanks a lot dei for not making fun of me. :D Hahaha. So probably my test will be in May. Haizzz. It's very late.

Hmmm now my mum is sick. Very sick. She has been sick since last Monday. I've never seen her like that before. She has backache and this time it's quite serious. I cried seeing her suffering in pain. I didn't tell to all my friends. Hope she'll be fine soon.

Yesterday after visiting my mum at hospital, I went to buy kain for baju kurung. Yes I'm gonna wear baju kurung for my JPA interview. I'm so nervous about the interview. Im not prepared at all. I don't what they will ask. What topic they will give me. Haizzz. My seniors said they will test our confidence and GK only. So there's nothing to worry. But only I know how weak I am in GK. So just wait and see what future holds for me. :D Ok taaata! papai.

Insignificant.

Have we ever thought we would end up this way? Like totally strangers. We're friends but can we be friends heartily? I had imagined of how we would live together after our exams, studies and everything but I never imagined myself without you. I know you too didn't expect that you would left me. Right ? I was your first love. I know how much I meant to you but now, I'm very insignificant to you. You're not my first love but you still mean the world to me. I never thought you would hurt me this way when you held my hands and smiled to me. I can feel tears choke in my throat right now. It's very painful. I would be grateful if you have a very very little love on me deep down in you heart. Not exactly love but a kind of feeling. Friendship or sympathy something like that. I just can say be honest and ask yourself.

Let's save our HOME!

I joined this year's Earth Hour. I couldn't celebrate it last year due to some reasons. I switched off all the lights in my house. It was dark. It was nice and romantic. If I were married, I would have had a candlelight dinner with my husband. Chehhwahhh. :D

You know Earth is the only home we all have. Only we can save our mother earth. Can we see our own mother suffers from fever ? Of course, we can't but how can we let our Earth to suffer in global warming ? You guys know what? I don't use plastic bags if I buy one or two things from shops. I didn't let my parents to fix air-conditioners in my house. Haha I know it sounds funny. K bye.

Sorry.

I think I have said more 'sorry' than 'I love you's. But I think we both made mistakes. You're running away from me. You're worried that you might fall in love with me. My mistake is expecting a lot from you. Expecting you'll treat me like a real friend someday. I'm too soft hearted. I feel hurt easily. It's my weakness.

My historical day.

Today is the happiest day in my life ever!! 9A+ and 1A is a result that I didn't expect at all. Congratulations to my best friends too, Kirthiga, Prasanth Rao, Thiru Baashini and Vishalini. They also deserved the best. I burst out in tears the moment they called me to the stage. I knew how badly I did my SPM. I can't stop tearing when people tell me that my parents would be proud of me. I'm their only child and I know how they feel. Congrats to all of you again people. ♥ you !

You belong with me.

"Was it fated or was it all just an accident?" Alone in my bed, asking myself. Tears were running down my cheek and dropping on my pillow. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. But my mind didn’t let me. Instead, it played all the etched memories. My heart was aching. I wish I could rewind time, back to that day. I got up of my bed and took my laptop from my study table. I went to ‘My Pictures’ and opened my personal folder. What I saw was hundreds of pictures of us. They made me sadder than I already was. Would you look me in the way you did in the pictures? Would you have the same passion in your eyes? I asked the person was standing beside me in the pictures. Then, I read our conversations. The words full of love which had the power to brighten my days now made me wondering if it was really you. The last words that came out of your mouth today were still echoing in my ears.

“I don’t hate you but please leave me alone. I don’t want you as my life partner. Let’s stay as friends.”

How could I leave you? How could we stay friends even after all these? Thousands of questions were running through my mind but I didn’t have answer even for one. I wanted to talk to him. I took my phone and pressed the number one button. I saved his number as my speed dial. The phone started ringing. For a second, my mind flew to one of those days of how we used to be on phone for hours. Then, my mind came back to reality. I just realized he hadn’t answered my call. So, I just ended it. I looked at the clock. It was already 6am. I didn’t know how the time moved very fast because I felt every second past like a decade. I didn’t know how I was going to survive today. Only thing I could do was to get up of my bed and get ready to school. I tried to eat but I puked everything I ate. I couldn’t eat after that. Then, I rode my scooter to school. After parking it, I entered my class. The first face I was searching for was his. He was with his friends. I didn’t see any guilt or sadness on his face. I was sure he didn’t have sleepless night like I did.

He pretended my absence. I went to my place and opened my book. After the class ended, I went to canteen to get something to eat. I wasn’t in the mood but I felt hungry. As I sat, his friends came and sat beside me. They asked if I was okay. I wanted to scream that I wasn’t but I didn’t. I just wanted to finish my food and get away from there. Suren, his best friend whispered something to another friend. I was looking at them from the corner of my eyes. I wondered if it was about him and yes, it was. Suren was also a good friend of mine. In fact, he was the one who helped us a lot throughout our relationship. After all of them left, I texted Suren asking what he whispered to Rahul. As I was waiting for his reply, Jay slowly walked towards me. If it was two days before, I would have run to him and hug him but now I was just staring at him as he came closer to me. He gave me a friendly smile. I saw enormous guilt in his eyes. The only words that came out of his mouth were, “I’m sorry. Try to move on” and he walked away. I was shattered into pieces. The guy who had promised me that he would never leave me no matter what happened now asked me to leave him. Suddenly, my phone vibrated. Suren sent me a text.

It sounded, “Do you know why he left you?”

I typed, “Yes but I’m still hazy.”

Before I pressed the send button, he called me. He said he wanted to meet and tell me something. He was waiting for me at our school field. I went to talk to him. It was silent for a while and to break the silence, I spoke first.

I questioned him, “What do you want to tell me? Can you be fast? I gotta go.”

He sighed and said, “He has got a new girlfriend. That was why he left you. It happened when you went for holidays. He didn’t want to betray you, of course but somehow she made him falling for her. He found she’s better in everything than you are. She’s prettier, cleverer and richer than you. But he didn’t know how to leave you. So he used your mistake as an excuse. And you were so stupid to believe what he said.”

Before he finished his last sentence, tears started streaming down my face. I was speechless. My whole world turned upside down. I couldn’t believe him but I knew he wouldn’t lie to me. I knew him longer than I knew Jay. I wondered if Jay was cheating on me all this while. How could he leave his girlfriend of three years for someone else? Suren grabbed my shoulder and shook it once to see it I was still ’alive’. I was but I wanted to be dead. I just walked away without saying a word. As I was riding back to my home, I wished I was hit by a lorry or a bus. I didn’t want to live anymore.

Upon I reached my home, I went upstairs and threw myself into my bed. I was very grieved. I screamed into my pillow. And I was crying out loud. I got thoughts of hurting myself physically. I took a blade and wanted to cut my wrist but I couldn’t. My parents and my friends crossed my mind. Of course, they wouldn’t want me to hurt myself. So, I followed what he said. Trying to move on. I didn’t talk to him and neither did he.

Six months had passed but I was still thinking about him. I didn’t date any guys after that. On a weekend, when I was busy getting ready to go out with my parents, I got a text message from Suren.

“Can you come to hospital as fast as possible? Jay got into an accident. He’s so serious. He wants to see you.” It sounded so.

Without a moment of delay, I rushed to the hospital with my dad. His whole family was weeping. I walked slowly into ICU room. I couldn’t believe of what I saw with my own eyes. The line in the heart machine was flat. The beeping sound stopped. Nurses were helping doctors to remove all the needles from his body. His eyes were closed. He died. My face was expressionless. I gazed at him while walking to his bed. I held his hand. It was icy. I put my ear to his chest to listen if his heart was still beating. It wasn’t. I wondered why I hadn’t dropped a tear yet. It was because I knew he wasn’t dead. I would trade everything I had to get him back alive. Suren held my shoulder and said, “I have something to give you.” I followed him. He gave me a letter. I opened it quickly. I recognised the cursive handwriting. It was his. Jay’s.

“Baby, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I know I shouldn’t have left you but I had to. Actually, I didn’t love anyone after you. You’re the only girl I love. You’re the best girl I’ve ever seen. I know how sick you were after I left you. It was all my mistakes. When you were on holidays, I had a high fever. During the treatment, I was known that I have cancer. I found out I’m going to die in a few months. Now, I’m really going through a rough time and I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see my pain. You can’t take it. So, I had to lie to you. I wanted you to hate me but you didn’t. I wrote this and gave it to Suren. He will give you after I’m gone. I love you so much baby. I’m always yours.”

His teardrops on the paper made indelible stain. Tears were falling down from my eyes. Guilt was building up inside me. I couldn’t be with him during his last moments. I couldn’t be forgiven. I was sorry, Jay.

Maran '10

I go to Maran temple every year. Since I was born. There is a temple actually. So, I went to the temple this year also. I don't have much to tell you because the festival is always the same every year. Crowd, shops, urumi.. This year my cousin and my mum friends' families came with us. So, we had more fun this year than previous years. We went to Batu Caves first before going to Maran. Sadly, we couldn't go up because it was raining very heavily. Then, we headed to Maran. This year was more crowder. Luckily, it wasn't raining there. So, here are the pictures.

the super full moon.

myself.

the tree.

the temple.

urumi..never fail to make our foot tapping.

with Denise.

don't care about the man's face.

I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH YOUR NAME ON MY CHATBOX. I KNOW MY BLOG IS READ BECAUSE MY NUMBER OF MY PROFILE VIEWS INCREASES DAY BY DAY. I DON'T WANT TO BE STALKED.

Happy 18th birthday Prasanth Rao.

I would say today is another happiest day in my life. Talking to Prasanth after months. Seriously, the last I talked to him was on Christmas. I met all my guy friends after that except him. Besides that, my friend Sithi came back from India. She went to India in January. I've been trying to call her since yesterday but she hasn't answered it yet. Should try once again later. Then, my another two friends, Vino and Shankar came back from PLKN. I haven't called Shankar yet but I called Vino. She told me she's at PD now with our school students. They're having a camping trip there. I got a chance to talk to my lovely juniors, Nive and Kamalis. They said they miss us so much and of course so do we. I can't wait to go to my school back on my results day to meet them all again. ♥ you all lots!!!

To my ex's lover.

Treat him right. Make him happier than I did. Smile at him often. Tolerate his anger. Listen to him. Finally, don't disappoint him. Because you got the best guy in the world.

Threading.

Before

After.

I got my eyebrow threading for the first time in my life. Instead of using thread, I used shave. It was not painful at all. Is there any difference? I think my forehead looks broader and clearer. Don't know la.

We're grown ups.

On the day I failed my jpj test, Visha and Sheli came to my house to discuss about going to Royal Bintang on the next day. Then Sheli said why don't we go stay at Visha's house tonight? That was a good idea but Kir couldn't join with us because she had driving class to go. After taking dinner at my house, we went to Visha's house. We had fun at her house. We stayed up late until 4am !!! We were watching videos and songs in Youtube. Not to forget we were snapping with her webcam. It was really a lot of pictures. She hasn't upload them yet. Then, we off to bed. We got up at 10.30am. It was considered quite early for us. Hehe. Her mum did idli for us. I love her idli so much. After getting ready and having our breakfast, my dad came to her house to fetch us up.

~Sheli, myself, Visha and Sharva~

We reached Royal Bintang around 1pm. We waited for Sharva to come but she said she would be late. So we made a move into the hotel. We weren't lost in the hotel but we couldn't find the room. Finally, we found. After registering, we entered the room. There were four colleges, Taylor, Sunway, KDU and Nilai. We discussed with the counselors about our courses and scholarships. Private colleges are really expensive. We have to think twice before enrolling into one. I'm having dilemma whether want to do A-level, matriculation, foundation or just wait for government scholarships. I HAVE NO IDEA!! Then we headed to Parkson to take our lunch. It was already very late. Our stomachs started making weird sounds.

Visha and Sheli ate pizza while Sharva and I ate nasi ayam. Then, Sharva's parents sent us to Terminal bus stop. We wandered around the shops. Then we got a bus and went back to home.

Sleepover at Kir's house.

6th April 2011.

I love sleepover but I rarely go for one. So I went to stay at Kir's house for the first time. Since her house is quite far from mine, I seldom go to her house. It was not a sleepover party all. I went to her house around 4pm la. We were doing nothing than talking. We went out to Giant with her dad. He was shopping while we were wandering in bookshop and cd's shop. She loves novels so much. You can all kind of malay and english novels in her room. The biggest nerd ever. :P

She bought Eclipse cd to watch in the night later. After we reached home and took our dinner, football game started. Her favourite team M.United played. She was pissed off when her team lost with Liverpool and arguing with our friend in Facebook. I don't watch football. So I don't know much about it. Opss I forgot to tell something. I got a sms from my instructor that I got my driving class on next day at 2pm. It was very irritating. I wanted to stay at her house until night.

After Facebooking for a while, we sat in front of tv to watch Eclipse. It was 12pm and her parents went to sleep. We were alone and decided to watch Jangan Pandang Belakang. I have watched the movie before. So I know it's scary. But she wanted to watch because it would be thrilling. So we watched. We did scream. I put my legs on the sofa and was hugging her. After the movie finished, we went to bed.

After woke up, bathed, took our breakfast and everything, we cooked. Well we didnt cook much. We made lady's finger. I helped her cooking. Then we watched Eclipse for about 45 minutes maybe. Then I had to take my lunch early because my dad would come n fetch me up for driving class. Sadly, we didn't take pictures at all.

I don't want the world to end in 2012 but it has already alarmed us about the ending. I've just finished my SPM. There are so many things waiting for me. I want to get further education, job, love, family and kids. God you're the only one who can save us all. You're the only one we can depend on. ♥

Tell me a way.

Tell me a way to stop loving you!! All your words are still echoing in my ears. You birthday is approaching. I wish I could be with you. You were very sick last year. Hope you're fine always. ♥

Test.

I failed my jpj test. Both. That was terrible. I ran to my dad, hugged him and started crying. Seriously, I got panicked and nervous. Paid RM70 for retest which is on 28th April. I know I'm wasting my parents money. I'm not a gooooood driver at all. :'(

P.S. : Still crying.

Here Got Ghosts.

That was the title of the movie we watched yesterday. It was a Malay movie titled Sini Ada Hantu. After ages, I went out with Kirthiga. Of course, our cutie girl Visha came with us too. Kir came to my house at 7am and we moved from our house around 10.30am with Visha by bus from my taman la. We went to S'ban Terminal. After reaching there, Sharva was waiting for us. Then, we bought tickets for 12.10pm show and waited for a while snapping some pictures. A guy from the GSC scolded us for taking pictures with the standing. We were like WTH !! The movie started. It was the funniest ghost movie I've ever watched in my life. I think we just screamed once or twice throughout the movie.

After the movie, we went to eat. We ate at Mcd. After eating, we went to Popular. That was the best part. We were seeing some books and taking pictures with them. Then, I saw funky specs were also sold there. We took pictures with the specs also. I was the one who was very scared if anyone would see and scold us. It would be really embarrassing if it happened but fortunately nobody saw.

Then Sharva went back. So only three of us were there. Kir wanted to buy a casual bag for her. So she bought one for her and one for her mum. They were really cute. And Visha bought a wallet for her bro. Then we were just looking for sandals and Visha bought a pair of sandals. They were simple and nice. Then then then, Visha wanted to buy jeans. So we entered a shop. Clothes were cheap there. So she bought jeans there and we also tried few blouses. :D

Then, we were just wandering there and looking at men's clothes. We were just talking what kind of clothes we would buy for our bfs if we had one. That was funny but true aint? Then, we went back by bus again. Seriously we were so exhausted and my back was painful. We stopped at Sheli's house for a while. She was about to go out. I took her pictures and we went back la. I know I repeated the word 'then' million times. :)

Regrets.

How would you feel if someone came and told you that your ex bf regretted for loving and he felt you destroyed his life? If me, I would die inside. And just now his friends came to my house. They are my friends too. One of them said so to me. When I asked what he really told him, he said he was just lying and asked me to forget. Although it's a lie, it's disturbing me.

Let me ask myself, did I cheat him? No, I didn't. If lying is a cheat, then everyone in the world is a cheater. Nobody knows how much I love him. I didn't get attracted to any other guys after he left me. NO ONE!! Nobody could be like him. I tried to be close with guys so that I could forget him but still I couldn't. I gave up in everything.

"I'm just unlucky. We're not meant to be together." This is what I always tell to me and convince myself.

So, I prefer if nobody talks about him to me. My friends don't. They understand me well. Ok ?

Boredom.

My nails are turquoise now. :D

127 Hours at JJ.

Sorry for the late update. On last Sunday, Visha, Sharva and I went to Jusco. Other friends couldn't make it because they were busy. Around 12.30pm, Visha and I went to Sharva's house in S2 and took our lunch there. Then, her mum sent us to Jusco. We wanted to watch Green Hornet but since the show was finished, we bought tickets for 127 Hours movie. I watched the trailer and it sounded not bad. The movie was going to start at 5.30pm. So, until that we were shopping.

I bought nail polishes from Elianto. One was turquoise and another one was red chilli. Then, we went to Popular bookshop. Sharva bought some greeting cards and I bought Cleo. Visha wanted to buy jeans but we couldn't find a nice one. Visha and I ended up buying two similar orange tshirts which was rm10 each. That was really cheap. I know. To pass time, I was trying a yellow dress. It was cute but the price could make a big hole in your pocket. RM107!! I think I can get the same kind of dress at normal shop for RM30.

Then, we went to the theater. Sharva bought hotdogs, popcorn and drinks for us. Thanks syg!! The funniest part of our outing was the movie. The movie was nice but kinda boring. The story was about a guy who went for climbing at canyon. His hand was trapped in a stone and he couldn't escape from it. So, he was there trying all the possible chances to get out from it for 127 hours which were about 5 days. I couldn't watch some scenes. NOT VULGAR SCENES OK!! He tried to cut his hand in order to survive. Seriously, Visha and I couldn't watch it. I told my friends I'm not gonna be a doctor. I hid my face behind my hair and she hid her face behind her Coke. Funny right? There was a couple sitting behind us. Indian couples. The guy was funny. His handphone rang when the situation was so silent and the ringtone was so funny. It was an old Tamil song. Since we knew the song, we burst out laughing and looked at them.

After the movie ended, we were really unsatisfied with the movie. The ticket price was rM12 but it wasn't worth it. We should have watched some other better movie but it was too late. Around 7pm, Sharva's parents fetch us up and brought us to a Chinese shop for dinner. The food was awesome. The photos are on my Facebook. Ok bye. :D

I didn't know.

I didn't know that I would cry just for talking about him. Am I that weak? It was painful. Very painful when you control your tears and they burst out suddenly. Otherwise, I'm very happy. Nobody could be talkative like me. I talk the loudest. I laugh the loudest. And I cry the loudest.

I hate this feeling.

Loitering in Senawang.

I got a call from Sharva at 11am. She told she was coming to my house at 1pm. So I got up , took my bath and had my breakfast. I know it was very late. Then she came around 12.30pm. She stays in S2. So I told her oklah we go lepak somewhere in Senawang. After we took our lunch at my house, I called Visha and we went to Giant since it's the nearest supermarket. After ages, I took bus with my friends. We did nothing there because we didn't have much money. Just ended up snapping some pictures and seeing some stuffs.

Then, we went to Pizza Hut. Since Sharva didn't bring enough money, Visha and I had to pay. So here are the pictures.

She loves Pooh Bear.

Haha I'll never forget this picture. We were scolded by one of the guard there for snapping pics. Like WTH!!

~the chocolate volcano~

After eating and everything, we came back. Sharva's parents fetched us up. We went to Sheli's house which is in my taman. Sharva went back to her house and we stayed here. Then, we walked to next taman (Tmn Dahlia) to visit our friends Thiru and Samuel. We met our sejarah Sir on the way. I asked him when our results is gonna come out and he said on coming 18th March. It's quite late but still better than coming out on 28th Feb. Thiru wasn't at her home. So we went to Sam's house. We were just talking about his work and JPJ test. Then we walked back to my house. We were talking about our friends and everything la. They know what. :D

Now, I'm very exhausted and dehydrated. Wish we could go out somewhere farer with all the other friends. I miss them freaking much!! ♥

A thoughtful night.

I thought a lot last night. Lots of things. I had a deep heart to heart conversation with my friend. It was all about him and how and why I should move on. What she said was really true. Won't people laugh behind your back if they know you can't get over your ex even after 1 year+? Of course they will. My close friends will not but how about his friends, HIM and his new gf if he has one? I've tried so many times. It is also my new year resolution. You know how it feels when he's always in your mind although you try to delete the memories. I don't know what kind of feelings I have on him. Love, obsession or just affection ? But he doesn't leave my mind at all. Why do I still care about him ? Why should I care what he's doing, how and where he is? Does he care about me? Does he ever feel sorry for me? Not at all. He's so happy with his life. He has moved on. He's completely different now from how he was with me. I don't know if this is his true character but he didn't show to me because he was in love with me.

Ok Anu move on!!! Forget everything. You have better things to do. Focus on your future plans. You wanna do biotech with full scholarship right? Bye!

Results.

I feel very paranoid nowadays. What are really examinations for? Why are they so important? A single white paper determines our lives entirely.

Although I get good marks in my subjects, I will never tell myself that I'm a bright student. It really pisses me off when people say I will get all A's. It's just because I'm in the top 5. Errrrrr. Common guys. You know how many best students in our country itself? Like thousands. Even my school have genius students. I'm still weak in many subjects like account, BM and MORAL!!! Moral?? It could be the easiest subject that ever existed but the hardest one for me. My mum always says I'm not a 'budak bermoral'. It really gets on my nerves.

I really wish I was born rich. Poverty kills me! Ok I'm not very poor but just typical. I had to squeeze all my energy and brain to study. If I was rich, I wouldn't crave for scholarships or sponsors. I could study anything I want with my own money in some private colleges. Without scholarship, my dreams will never come true. With the heavy competition, I have a very little hope for getting a scholarship.

Besides that, I'm not very good in co-curricular. Sports and me are like the earth and sky. It matters a lot for choosing a best student. Errr. Thinking of it makes my blood boil.

Results. Many are saying that results are gonna come out on 28th of Feb which are just few days away. I'm eager to know my results yet at the same time it worries me a lot.

Ok however, just hope for the best. I pray for you and you pray for me. :)