You belong with me.

"Was it fated or was it all just an accident?" Alone in my bed, asking myself. Tears were running down my cheek and dropping on my pillow. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. But my mind didn’t let me. Instead, it played all the etched memories. My heart was aching. I wish I could rewind time, back to that day. I got up of my bed and took my laptop from my study table. I went to ‘My Pictures’ and opened my personal folder. What I saw was hundreds of pictures of us. They made me sadder than I already was. Would you look me in the way you did in the pictures? Would you have the same passion in your eyes? I asked the person was standing beside me in the pictures. Then, I read our conversations. The words full of love which had the power to brighten my days now made me wondering if it was really you. The last words that came out of your mouth today were still echoing in my ears.

“I don’t hate you but please leave me alone. I don’t want you as my life partner. Let’s stay as friends.”

How could I leave you? How could we stay friends even after all these? Thousands of questions were running through my mind but I didn’t have answer even for one. I wanted to talk to him. I took my phone and pressed the number one button. I saved his number as my speed dial. The phone started ringing. For a second, my mind flew to one of those days of how we used to be on phone for hours. Then, my mind came back to reality. I just realized he hadn’t answered my call. So, I just ended it. I looked at the clock. It was already 6am. I didn’t know how the time moved very fast because I felt every second past like a decade. I didn’t know how I was going to survive today. Only thing I could do was to get up of my bed and get ready to school. I tried to eat but I puked everything I ate. I couldn’t eat after that. Then, I rode my scooter to school. After parking it, I entered my class. The first face I was searching for was his. He was with his friends. I didn’t see any guilt or sadness on his face. I was sure he didn’t have sleepless night like I did.

He pretended my absence. I went to my place and opened my book. After the class ended, I went to canteen to get something to eat. I wasn’t in the mood but I felt hungry. As I sat, his friends came and sat beside me. They asked if I was okay. I wanted to scream that I wasn’t but I didn’t. I just wanted to finish my food and get away from there. Suren, his best friend whispered something to another friend. I was looking at them from the corner of my eyes. I wondered if it was about him and yes, it was. Suren was also a good friend of mine. In fact, he was the one who helped us a lot throughout our relationship. After all of them left, I texted Suren asking what he whispered to Rahul. As I was waiting for his reply, Jay slowly walked towards me. If it was two days before, I would have run to him and hug him but now I was just staring at him as he came closer to me. He gave me a friendly smile. I saw enormous guilt in his eyes. The only words that came out of his mouth were, “I’m sorry. Try to move on” and he walked away. I was shattered into pieces. The guy who had promised me that he would never leave me no matter what happened now asked me to leave him. Suddenly, my phone vibrated. Suren sent me a text.

It sounded, “Do you know why he left you?”

I typed, “Yes but I’m still hazy.”

Before I pressed the send button, he called me. He said he wanted to meet and tell me something. He was waiting for me at our school field. I went to talk to him. It was silent for a while and to break the silence, I spoke first.

I questioned him, “What do you want to tell me? Can you be fast? I gotta go.”

He sighed and said, “He has got a new girlfriend. That was why he left you. It happened when you went for holidays. He didn’t want to betray you, of course but somehow she made him falling for her. He found she’s better in everything than you are. She’s prettier, cleverer and richer than you. But he didn’t know how to leave you. So he used your mistake as an excuse. And you were so stupid to believe what he said.”

Before he finished his last sentence, tears started streaming down my face. I was speechless. My whole world turned upside down. I couldn’t believe him but I knew he wouldn’t lie to me. I knew him longer than I knew Jay. I wondered if Jay was cheating on me all this while. How could he leave his girlfriend of three years for someone else? Suren grabbed my shoulder and shook it once to see it I was still ’alive’. I was but I wanted to be dead. I just walked away without saying a word. As I was riding back to my home, I wished I was hit by a lorry or a bus. I didn’t want to live anymore.

Upon I reached my home, I went upstairs and threw myself into my bed. I was very grieved. I screamed into my pillow. And I was crying out loud. I got thoughts of hurting myself physically. I took a blade and wanted to cut my wrist but I couldn’t. My parents and my friends crossed my mind. Of course, they wouldn’t want me to hurt myself. So, I followed what he said. Trying to move on. I didn’t talk to him and neither did he.

Six months had passed but I was still thinking about him. I didn’t date any guys after that. On a weekend, when I was busy getting ready to go out with my parents, I got a text message from Suren.

“Can you come to hospital as fast as possible? Jay got into an accident. He’s so serious. He wants to see you.” It sounded so.

Without a moment of delay, I rushed to the hospital with my dad. His whole family was weeping. I walked slowly into ICU room. I couldn’t believe of what I saw with my own eyes. The line in the heart machine was flat. The beeping sound stopped. Nurses were helping doctors to remove all the needles from his body. His eyes were closed. He died. My face was expressionless. I gazed at him while walking to his bed. I held his hand. It was icy. I put my ear to his chest to listen if his heart was still beating. It wasn’t. I wondered why I hadn’t dropped a tear yet. It was because I knew he wasn’t dead. I would trade everything I had to get him back alive. Suren held my shoulder and said, “I have something to give you.” I followed him. He gave me a letter. I opened it quickly. I recognised the cursive handwriting. It was his. Jay’s.

“Baby, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I know I shouldn’t have left you but I had to. Actually, I didn’t love anyone after you. You’re the only girl I love. You’re the best girl I’ve ever seen. I know how sick you were after I left you. It was all my mistakes. When you were on holidays, I had a high fever. During the treatment, I was known that I have cancer. I found out I’m going to die in a few months. Now, I’m really going through a rough time and I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see my pain. You can’t take it. So, I had to lie to you. I wanted you to hate me but you didn’t. I wrote this and gave it to Suren. He will give you after I’m gone. I love you so much baby. I’m always yours.”

His teardrops on the paper made indelible stain. Tears were falling down from my eyes. Guilt was building up inside me. I couldn’t be with him during his last moments. I couldn’t be forgiven. I was sorry, Jay.